They're Onto Us
by TheSicklyRoseVamp1229
Summary: Oh No! Kaname and Zero have discovered FanFiction! I blame Aido for this! It all starts when things get wierd at Cross Academy; leaving Kaname and Zero confused and dazed. Yaoi, crude humor, a cruse or two. Latest chap- KANAME'S INTERVIEW, finally
1. Chapter 1

"Zero, we need to talk!"

Lilac eyes pierced through the pureblood, "No fuck! What the hell is going on?"

"Like I know! That was the third time this week it happened, and it's only Monday!"

They glared at each other as they remembered what had happened that morning. Kaname had been working in his dorm when the hunter had burst into the room. Then out of nowhere they jump into bed together. An hour later, they were left staring at each other in confusion.

Now Zero could only ask, "Why did we have sex? We hate each other! And we're guys!"

"Well, thanks to Aido, I think I found an answer." the brunette paused, "Have you heard of ''? It's this website where people have been writing these weird stories about all of us at Cross Academy."

"What are you talking about?"

Kaname rolled his eyes, "Come on, I'll show you!"

-LATER, IN KANAME'S ROOM-

"Whoa! How do these people know us? And how do they know that much about our pasts?"

"I don't think I have ever met any of them before."

Zero sighed at the pureblood's naïve words, "Well, it could be because they all have pen names, smart one."

"Like I don't know that! God, Zero! Can you show some respect for once in your pathetic life?" Kaname's eyes were ablaze with flames.

"Nope." the hunter simply replied. He was about to leave when he noticed something, "Kaname, whose account are you using? Kuran'sBitch129?! Who the hell is that? Yuki? Ruka?... Oh My God! It's Aido, isn't!?"

Kaname blushed lightly, "Yeah, I need to talk to him later."

"Did he write any stories? I bet they're all smut or crack fics!" Zero quickly stole the chair from Kaname. Clicking on the story list, the hunter fell backwards in out-of-control laughter. He looked up to see Kaname's eyes wide in amazement, "Wow. Aido really does love you! Look at all of the Kaname/Aido stories! Ha ha ha! He even made himself the uke!"

The pureblood slapped Zero across the back of the head, "Come on, let's see what he has under favorites."

-ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER-

Kaname sighed, "Well at least we learned one thing about these people."

"And what would that be?" the hunter asked.

"That they don't know what they're talking about. I mean if we were having sex, I would obviously be on top!"

Zero blushed deeply, "Excuse me! I don't think so!" Then he pushed the pureblood backwards; causing him to fall onto his bed. "Let's just see you tops this time, Kaname!"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey! Even though this story was meant to be a one-shot here is chapter two. **_

_**What this is is that Kaname told the nightclass about what they discovered and this is how some of the others reacted to it!**_

-LATER IN AIDO'S AND KAIN'S DORM-

"Hey Kain I just got another message!" Aido exclaimed.

Looking at his over-excited cousin, poor Kain could only sigh. He knew he would probably regret it later but he asked, "Who's it from? One of usual fans?"

"No actually I've never heard from this guy before. It's weird; his avatar is a topless picture of Zero and his username is _He'sNotMyBitch253_!"

Kain had to hold in laughter at the shocked expression on Aido's face as he read the message.

"Oh Shit! I'm in trouble!" the blonde stuttered, "It's from Kaname, and he found out about my stories!"

"Should I come with you?"

-MEANWHILE IN ICHIJO AND SHIKI'S ROOM-

"Wow. Ichijo you should read some of these stories; they're so funny. Like this one has you as a merman (yeah it's me – TheSicklyRoseVamp1229)!" Shiki laughed.

The blonde blushed, "How did they find out?!"

"Wait! It's true?"

"Ummm….." Ichijo toyed with his hair, "Maybe."

Shiki's smile widened as he began to remove his clothes. Emerald eyes widened as the brunette then began to strip him too.

"Well, we'll find out soon enough." Shiki sighed as he scooped his lover up. Then before Ichijo could protest, he tossed the blonde into the bathtub filled with water.

_**You can laugh at my (TheSicklyRoseVamp1229) vampire merman idea, but take a good look at the blonde in the tub. There, instead of two legs, is a shining aqua tail! Wait stop staring at my men (that's right, Shiki too!) !**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Alright, some people were disappointed that the last "chapter" did not have much Kaname/Zero love. Sorry if you were, but this "chapter" is nothing but Kaname/Zero! **_

_**We start right as Aido is leaving (see chapter 2) Kaname's room, because he was getting punished for the smutty fics he wrote.**_

"You may leave now, Aido." he coolly said as the red slap mark rose on the blonde's cheek. Kaname stood with a stern look upon his face but as soon as Aido left, the brunette ran to his computer. Quickly, he continued writing the document he had started before the interruption. The keys on the keyboard pounded as he typed:

_ ….The hunter sighed, tangling his fingers in his lover's chocolate locks. His eyes were glazed, a cloudy lilac, in pleasure as Kaname's fangs sunk deeper into his flesh. Zero felt himself harden as the pureblood's tongue teased his skin. He gasped as Kaname found a hold of his-_

"Hey Kaname, what are you working on?" The pureblood jumped out of his fantasies as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him.

He nervously turned to face the speaker, "Umm…. Hello Zero! I thought you weren't coming over until 3pm. Don't tell me you're cutting class."

"I am not!" Zero protested, "I was allowed out early because I finished all of my work before everyone else."

"Well, that's a relief. Just let me turn off the computer and then we can spend some time together."

"Oh, I know what you want to-" he froze as the words on the screen caught his eyes. He began to read it out loud, "_Zero arched his back, moaning, as he felt the brunette add a second finger into his entrance. The seductive scissoring movements were undoing him. He couldn't take too much more, he was so close to cuming. _What the hell is this, Kaname?!"

The pureblood blushed, unable to meet Zero's gaze, "A story, just a little something I was writing."

"What kind of story? A porno? Why were you writing this anyway?"

"My readers wanted - … I mean… no, there was no reason." the brunette tripped over his words.

But of course, that little slip up was caught by Zero. "Wait! Did you say readers?" he sighed as reality sunk in, "You're writing stories for that fan website! Aren't you?!"

The meek look Kaname wore was enough of an answer for the hunter. "Kaname, why do you waste your time writing this when you could be doing this in real life." Zero said as he pinned the pureblood down on the bed.

Kaname smiled, "Does this mean you forgive me?"

"Maybe, but only if you make me."

_**OK, don't worry there will be more soon (I hope). Until then, I hope you liked it.**_


	4. My Interview with a Vampire, Zero

_**Ok, this is my interview with Zero for a made-up magazine, the Ravioli Report, about how his life has changed since this fic. The bold is me and the italics are Zero. **_

**_By the way, there will be a second part to this... coming soon.... I hope! _**

* * *

**Hello readers! Today is a very special day because one of the stars of Vampire Knight has agreed to an interview! Everyone welcome Mr. Zero Kiryu!**

_Hi, thank-you for having me._

**Oh, of course you are always welcome here. Actually many readers are dying to know: How has your life changed since you and Kaname discovered our fandom?**

_Actually now that everything is out in the open, Kaname and I have been secretly dating behind everyone's backs for a couple of years._

**So we were right…I mean, does anyone else know?**

_I think Yuki might know but it is hard to tell when she insists on playing dumb all the time. Aido, Kain, Rima, Ruka, and Seiren probably know, they just never say anything about it. I'm positive that Ichijo and Shiki know… I am not going into details on how but the four of us have become very close._

***bouncing up and down with joy* Are you saying that Ichijo and Shiki are together?!**

_Maybe… (damn I shouldn't have said anything)… ok, yes!_

**I knew it! I knew it! I KNEW IT!!!!!**

_If you're done with your spaz attack, let us get on with the interview._

**Wait, but what happened to Rima? Please don't tell me that she is dating Aido, who appears to be surprisingly single despite being such a "lady's man".**

_No, Yuki and Yori are taking care of that blonde idiot. Rima is currently dating Ichiru, how that happened I do not know, but they seem happy together._

**Ahh, I'm glad everyone is getting paired up. Is it weird seeing your twin dating someone, like has anyone thought it was you instead of Ichiru?**

_It's funny that you brought that up. About a month or so ago, Ichiru and Rima had been in the school garden, making out. Kaname had just come out of the Night Class Dorms, so from that distance all he could see was a redhead and a guy with silver hair. Genius that he is, he ran over to them demanding to know why his "Zero" had his tongue down Rima's throat. Thankfully, I had been on my way to see him and was able to stop Kaname from any further embarrassment. I still tease he about it sometimes… ha, ha, ha._

**I bet you know more about Kaname than anyone else. Is there anything unusual he likes to do?**

_Well, I'm sure you could guess that he is into some pretty kinky things. Most of it involves biting, food, and/or dressing-up._

**I noticed you said 'and' in the list. Do these normally combine? (not that we don't already know the answer ;D)**

_With Kaname, yes! The best way to describe it is that one night he brought a bottle of chocolate syrup into bed with us. As he poured it over my..umm privates, I felt this weird tightening sensation. I looked down to see that the syrup had hardened on my skin, making it look like I had a chocolate covered banana between my legs. Of course, Kaname probably planned it that way because he insisted on biting and sucking on me like it really was food._

***coughs and chokes on her Dr. Pepper***

_Are you ok?_

**Umm, I'm fine but how about we change the subject before the fangirls reading this start to drool (even more than usual). So how was your Valentine's Day? Anything special happen?**

_Oh god, I was wondering when this would come up?_

**He was that bad?**

_Well, I had made Kaname promise to tone it down a bit this year. Apparently, he thought that I only meant physically because that morning I received a special package of conversational hearts. _

**Wait, how is that bad?**

_I didn't say what they said on them. Only Kaname would have thought of putting phrases like "spread em' ", "give me ass", "sex u up", and the ever classy "cum 4 me" on candy hearts!_

**Ha, ha, ha! God, that's funny!**

_Hey, I thought you were on my side!_

**I never said I was taking sides, but you have to admit that was good!**

_No, I don't. I would rather not inflate Kaname's head with anymore hot air than what is already is there!_

**Well, that's going to wrap up today's interview. Thanks once again to our special guest, Zero. We hope you will come again soon. Until then this is TheSicklyRoseVamp1229 with the Ravioli Report!**

* * *

_**Sorry, but the contest (come up with a funny/sexy phrase on one of Zero's hearts from Kaname) is over. There are 3 winners, you know who you are, that will be announced in part two of Zero's interview.**_


	5. Zero's Back for Another Interview

_**Hey everybody! Here is part two of my interview with Zero! I basically wrote this because in the last part I had forgotten to add some things. A big thank-you to those who entered the last contest. Some of the winners' phrases included: **_"Roses are red, lemons are sour. Open your legs, and give me an hour.", "Suck U Dry", and "I Want 2 B In U".

_**IMPORTANT! Since there will be some guest appearances, each speaker is labeled like ZK for Zero, or SR for Sickly Rose (me).**_

**SR:**Welcome back, Zero. We are all so happy that you agreed to another interview!

**ZK:** No problem. It is my pleasure.

**SR:** For the first question we would like to know if it is hard to have a lover like Kaname, who always seems to be in the mood?

**ZK:** God, yes! Not that I don't love him dearly but there is a long list of things I can't say, eat, or do without him jumping me.

**SR:** Like? _(this should be good) ;D_

**ZK:** As far as food it is the basics of food you like; like popsicles, lollypops, or bananas. I can live without those but I can't do without some of my favorite curses. If Kaname is even in the room I can't say anything like "Bite me", "Asshole", or "Screw/Fuck you."

**SR:** ha ha ha…. What about the certain things you can't do anymore?

**ZK:**I think I can show you better than I can tell you.

**SR:** What?! _*blushes deeply*_

**ZK:**No, that's not what I meant. _*shaking his head, then yells*_ Well, time to go in the shower.

**SR:** _*whispers* _What's that going to do?

**ZK:** _*whispers back* _Just wait for it.

_*Kaname suddenly bursts into the room*_

**KK:** Why didn't you tell me you were going to shower? I would have been here earlier…. What's going on in here? Why aren't you wet and naked?!

**ZK:** And there is my example. _*turns to Kaname*_ Sorry, dear. I promise we can shower later.

**KK:** We better!

**SR:** Hey, Kaname! Ummm…. Nice shirt?

**KK:** Thank-you, Zero gave it to me! Well, I'll let you two finish your interview. _*leaves the room*_

**SR:** Did that shirt say what I think it said?

**ZK:** Yup, it said "The Ultimate Sex Machine". I got it for him as payback for Valentine's Day, but my plan backfired. He loves it and insists on wearing it in public, just to embarrass me!

**SR:** Wow, did not see that one coming!

**ZK: **Me neither.

**SR:** Ok, changing the topic. So I heard that you like to bake. Have you been able to do much of it, lately?

**ZK:** Well, I would if Kaname would let me.

**SR:** He doesn't let you bake?!

**ZK:** Wait! I mean that he does but it must be one of his many kinks. Every time I start to make something he takes it upon himself to sneak up behind me and whisper "What's cookin' good lookin'?" in my ear. Honestly I don't know if I find that corny, hot, or endearing?

**SR:** That does not sound that farfetched, especially coming from a guy you refer to as a 'sex machine'.

**ZK:** Oh, before I forget. Here is a magical piece of cherry cheesecake I made for you.

**SR:** Magic?

**ZK:** Yes, it has the power to summon one guy of your choice.

**SR:** Really? _*quickly takes a bite of the delishous cheesecake*_

_*Ichijo appears from out of nowhere*_

**TI:** Hey, I didn't know you were here! Wanna catch a movie later?

**SR:** Of course, Ichijo; anything for you.

_*make-out scene (that I wouldn't mind happening in real life ^///^)*_

**ZK: **Ok, well I think that wraps up this interview.

**SR:** _*looks guilty and she fixes her hair* _Right. Remember this is TheSicklyRoseVamp1229 with the Ravioli Report.

_*scene starts to fade out before Shiki suddenly comes into the picture*_

**SS:** Ichijo, are you in here?

**SR + TI + ZK: **Way to show up at the last minute!

_**Ok, that's it for now! Hope you liked it! Credit for the phrase on Kaname's t-shirt goes to irmina! Agree, Kaname is the Ultimate Sex Machine. **_

_**By the way, someone suggested writing an interview with Kaname. What do you think?**_


	6. The Long Awaited Interview Avec Kaname

_**I'M BACK! Sorry for being almost 2 weeks late with this but my computer broke! Darn you Lily (my adorable but overly stupid beagle, who knocked over the computer…unlike my other dog Bessie who is smart enough not to do that)!**_

_**Remember that like Zero's last interview each character is shown by their initials like I am SR (Sickly Rose) because of guest stars.**_

**SR: **Hello to all the fangirls (and fanboys?) out there. I'm TheSicklyRoseVamp1229 and this is the Ravioli Report, but of course you knew that! Today we have everyone's favorite pureblood Kaname with us.

**KK:** Sorry it took me so long to have an opening for this interview but my schedule keeps me very busy.

**SR:** No problem at all! We are just happy you agreed to it. But I have to ask, did that fact that I interviewed with Zero help convince you?

**KK:** Mostly, and I felt that readers might want to hear the other side of our relationship.

**SR:** Oh, are you going to reveal something interesting about life with Zero?

**KK:** Of course. Now first off, I am not as "sex-crazed" as Zero says I am.

**SR:** But you still wore that "Ultimate Sex Machine" shirt?

**KK:** Well, normally I would not wear something that provocative out of our dorm room but Zero's adorable blush is so worth it.

**SR:** Always one step ahead, huh?

**KK:** I try. Honestly if you had a lover like Zero would you keep your pants on? Not to mention that we're vampires aka the most sensual creatures known to mankind!

**SR:** You can say that again…I mean, since he told us about most of your "preferences" is there a particular kink that Zero has?

**KK:** Although he does enjoy some of the "rougher" things like bondage, most nights he loves role playing. I think it's mostly because I'm the one who ends up in the dress.

**SR:** *giggles and blushes at the thought of Kaname in a dress*

**KK:** It's true though. When he was the knight, I was the princess; when he was the pirate, I was the damsel. Even when he was Sweeney, I was his Ms. Lovett. Not that I'm complaining! There is something hot about riding someone while you are wearing a skirt.

**SR:** Well, you do have the legs for it! Which pair of costumes were your favorite to wear?

**KK:** It would have to have been our bunny costumes from Easter.

**SR:** Bunnies?

**KK:** It probably won't surprise you but it was actually all Yuki's idea. She wanted everyone to get into the holiday spirit and got quite a few of us into the ears, tails, and spandex leotards. Yuki and Yori wore matching white ones while Aido had on yellow. I know for a fact that Shiki enjoyed Ichijo's pastel blue costume; even though I could have gone my whole life without needing to see Head Master Cross in pink spandex! But it was worth seeing Zero with his silver bunny ears (and nothing else ;D) on. Heck even I wore a brown version of the costume.

**SR:** I guess this gives a new meaning to going at it like bunnies…

**KK: **You really think we do that?

**SR: **I can only guess about your first time together….

_Their bare chests glistened with sweat as the hunter pinned the struggling brunette down on the bed "God Kuran, why do you assume that I am on bottom? You arrogant…."_

"_Oh bite me Kiryu!" the pureblood spat back, matching Zero's glare with one of his own._

_A sly grin soon graced the silverette's features. "With pleasure, my dear." he sarcastically remarks before biting down on the exposed flesh of Kaname's pale throat._

_Arching his back in pleasure, the pureblood let out a breathy moan, "Oh Zerrrooooo…"_

…..And from there- hot mansex!

**KK:** Well, we had times like that at first but they didn't end up leading to actual sex, just kinky blowjobs.

**SR:** *thinks to herself "Wow, this conversation just became awkward"* Alright, why don't you tell us what your first time with Zero was like?

**KK:** I had been planning our special night for quite some time; rose petals on the bed, candles lit, the lights dim, and our song playing softly in the background.

**SR: **Wait! What song?

**KK:** Broken by Lifehouse. Now may I get back to the story?

**SR:** Sorry, continue.

**KK:** I led my blindfolded lover into the-

**ZK:** *burst into the room* Kaname Kuran, you know that's not what happened!

**SR: **Oh really? *turns from a flustered Kaname to the smirking hunter* Would you like to reveal what really happened?

**ZK:** Well, first of all I totally refused to wear the blindfold. I had a feeling that Mr. Romance over there would try to make our first time all sappily romantic; so I decided to take charge and-

**TI:** *comes into the room in his sexy bunny outfit* Kaname, Zero, I've been looking everywhere for you…oh, am I interrupting something?

**SR:** *passes out from seeing so much hotness in one room*

**KK:** Takuma, what's with the get up?

**TI:** Shiki and I were going to watch Alice in Wonderland!

**ZK: **But that's a white rabbit not a blue one.

**TI:** Try telling Senri that *turns to poor me who is still on the floor* Um, how are we going to wake her up?

**KK: **I don't know. Hey Zero, any ideas?

**ZK:** How about a kiss? That always works in fairytales.

**TI:** Alright, who wants the honor of doing it?

*Aido bursts into the room*

**HA:** I'll do it! *slowly leans in for the kiss*

**SR:** *suddenly awakens and knocks Aido out cold* NO way! I wanted Takuma! *turns bright red as she realizes she just shouted that out loud* ….let's go watch the movie.

**KK:** Good idea! *walks out hand in hand with Zero*

**TI:** Sorry for this weird ending for your interview.

**SR:** No prob. This is TheSicklyRoseVamp1229 signing off with another edition of the Ravioli Report.

**TI:** …who are you talking to?

_**Hope you enjoyed! It was weirdly harder to write this then the 2 with Zero, I wonder why. **_

_**I think for my next one it will be with reviewers sending in their questions for me and the boys, and we will answer. But please don't ask something like what color underwear I am wearing. Just Kidding. Feel free to send in as many questions as you want and most (if not all) will be put in! This will be in the same format as a regular interview.**_

_**BTW. Next Tuesday (the 29**__**th**__**) is my 1 year anniversary on here! I will be writing a very special fic! If you have liked any of my work you'll like this (many pairings shown)! Please read!**_


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